bored bored.. sitting in SP's main library doing nothing but blogging and starring at this computer screen.. argh!

morning went for the so call interview.. was bit skeptical about the job.. cause mom asked me to take up another tutoring instead.. less xingku.. but oh well.. I have friends working with me.. hopefully I'll b a usefull person again.. and our friendship wouldnt be ruined because of a job.. I'm like placing my friendship in jeoprody as I'm in need.. DESPERATE need for money.. all thanks to that stupid 300 damaged that I did yesterday.. [ will update post when it's done~ u'll b amazed! ]

and of course, constance reminder from my parents to... well, be independent.. mum scolded me for buying mooncake home the other day.. so much for being a filial daughter.. I know my 50$ is not worth a penny to u.. but it's my own effort money.. zzz dunnid to remind me that I need to plan for the future. I already planned it out.. fk it. damn sian.

friends thought I'm stupid to move out.. it's not my choice.. if papa doesnt work anymore.. our family can no longer sustain the house.. YOU THINK I NOT WORRIED?? my situation is different from u all.. so stop telling me I'm stupid u dumb ass! at times I wonder if I ever should tell my friends the truth or not.. of course, I'm not saying my besties.. grrr damn pekchek

Alex told me problems abt his r/s.. which again make me feel guilty for doing the same thing I did to Jeff.. but we're not as extreame as his.. Alex is very easliy jealous.. I guess being his gf kinda harsh too.. no personal life at all..

yesterday, chatted on the phone with my Audi brother,Reeve.. he cooks, he entertaints, he plays guitar and HE PSYCO YOU! zzz nvm.. keep me entertaint jiu hao.. lol chatted until 5am.. crazy.. never call me wake up also.. zzz heng never late to meet ahma.. dear zhuzhu neh.. sleep so much.. today meeting him later in the night.. cant wait to see him.. and wish him HAPPY BIRTHDAY! lol ^^ wonder how dear's friend celebrated for him.. meanwhile.. maumau just have to rot here and there lo.. this time.. I waited for him for 6.5hours! beat tt dear! =X

what's for pressie? since the other day he dint like it.. that 78dollar's mooncake chess set.. guess I'll have to search again bah.. most unlikely will be getting a pressie for him.. he has everything he need.. and I'm broke.. and I cant cook.. =\

haix. is our r/s build to last? how long? I also wan to prepare myself before getting hurt again.. but if I do, I'm not letting myself to fall in love again.. and being that, Jeffrey dear can feel it too.. the number of people supporting our r/s is not much.. rather only a handful.. wishing us to break and giving me rude comments even from my own family.. is being with him so bad that they have to do that? each time they say, what can I do? defend? it will only create more things for them to say about us.. I'm so close to giving up, when I did something utterly wrong, not wrong for my perception, but wrong for others.. people judge me differently.. I did what I did to get something.. and I'm not being stupid because ultimately I already made up my mind.. I'm weaker now.

y cant I think of the good side of r/s? I'm always so negative.. so pessimistic..

few days ago chatted with Reeve reg supernatural stuff.. I'm glad someone finally had more powers than I do.. ok I call them powers, maybe u would call them "stuff".. since small I'm very very afraid of ghost or unnatural being.. tt's y I couldnt stand watching horror or ghost movie.. if u belive me, each time u watches a ghost story, some of it will be attracted to u.. believe me when I say, your deceased relatives is somewhere around you when u talk about them.. we shared much of what we encountered from young.. it's all in the past and I wish to put it behind me.. I'm rather thankfull that I cant see them.. guess if I do, I'll be in the hospital bed.. haha. anyway, telling people who DONT BELIEVE is a waste of time.. dont promt me reg this